i am very confused.
i need advice. very sound advice.
today's pingpong conversation stopped me in my tracks.
maybe i'm complicating what could be simple things?
how can i not think about these things when i do care about them deeply?
who do i ask?
who will take the time to listen?
who will even respond?
so the stars are right. things are slowing down.
slowness to digest everything.
slowness to just appreciate the beauty of slowness.
slowness to pay attention to the fine print.
the fine print and i haven't had a great track record.
maybe i'll have that haircut.
(will that include hair color?)
(i am loyal to my salt-and-pepper shades.)
(maybe not.)
or maybe i'll just preoccupy myself with that paper i have to finish.
or maybe i'll seek inspiration from mr eagleton.
tomorrow's my sister's birthday. we haven't sent her a birthday card.
the red beetle still known as mimi got a shower this afternoon.
i still have dandruff.
now i am slowing down.
slowing down.
down.
(the last three lines were haphazardly thought of.)
(they border on cliche.)
(this is an ambush, this is an ambush, an ambush, ambush, ambush, ambush.)
(i still cringe when i recall that performance. name withheld.)
in a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy. (jenny holzer, name revealed.)
i am still confused.
i am a confused woman about to use clear shampoo.
good night.