defamiliarization

my back is aching like hell and i don't know why, seriously.

it's supposed to ache when something is bothering me and, well, nothing is bothering me right now. alright, there is the work to be done but when i slip the laptop inside its lovely blue-striped bag along with the cords on the front side pocket, work is set aside for a few hours of downtime or, if so desired, for the rest of the day.

my back is quite tense as i type and i don't know why, really.

the ache is usually centered at a certain spot somewhere around the upper left hand portion of my back. it is this spot that i usually ask the people who massage my body to work on really well. it feels like the ganglion cyst on my right wrist area. some say it is hangin that is collected and i presume it has something to do with lack of harmony somewhere. right now i am not in love with the fact that i'm peppering this paragraph with 'something' and 'somewhere' but their vagueness is parallel to the vagueness of why my back is like this.

my back is quite tense and all i'm thinking now is a good massage.

d. gave good massages and i really appreciated them because they were like momentary relief at unexpected times. he didn't take a liking to my poor posture and neither did my cousins, who first indicated to me that this was something that needs correcting. i was vacationing at their house when i was a young girl and one afternoon, kuya t. and ate i. called me aside and asked me to straighten my back. when i did so, it felt like the most unnatural thing to do. first of all, it required quite some effort on my part. i thought was my back really this curved? then i had images of me and my curved back - when it was in natural position, or at least i thought it to be natural for it did feel like that - and then me and my straightened back. it was then that i realized i would have a lifelong battle with this back of mine. maybe a brace would be a good thing but then i'd look like one of those characters from revenge of the nerds or something.

my back is quite tense and for the first time, it doesn't need to have a reason for it.

something in me has come to welcome this tense feeling. when i'm paranoid, i would call it my spidey senses. you know, like a warning device though if it is the case right now, what is it warning me about? for once, i'd like to think it's just there, period. no warnings for me, no need for a massage, no need for it to be corrected, nothing to indicate that i'm bothered.

no need and nothing. now there's two words i'd love to have over more often.