To my precious friend and brother, Woke up this morning to my right leg complaining about last night's excesses. So out of it that I didn't even feel the earthquake. All I could remember were the lights flickering for a brief moment. Got today planned: have what would be the first of many cups of coffee for the day, scan Super Saturday (guilty pleasure), sneak a peek at the Today show and witness America at its consumerist finery (notice that USA is used as a rallying cry and in label tags, America is used in conjunction with burning flags, Dubya and Uncle Sam effigies and as the bastion of all that is wrong with the world), check the first batch of ENG 4 final papers and catch the replay of Bowling for Columbine on AXN. No, I will not continue this post with such inanities. This post is about you. I kept on thinking what was going through your head as you stormed out of my house that morning, having just learned what I've painfully known all this time. Truth be told, by lunchtime, I was scared. Scared of the repercussions of what I did. You know by now that my life has always been about diplomacy, thinking of the goodness in all people, everyone getting along, things better left unsaid, silence. You of course have been witness to the cancer that this has generated in my now-realized fragile self. I hum to myself 'Silence is golden, silence is the way.' Well, fuck that. I have become sick because of that silence. More importantly, I have become sick and tired of that silence. When I mentioned in my last post that the snot on my nose and the stress balls on my back are more real than the past few days, I knew it was time. Enough of this madness, enough of this bullshit. And so the painful truth. What do you know for sure? a question Oprah loves to pose to her guests. What I do know for sure is that had it not been for you, I wouldn't know where I'd be at this time. From your own peculiar brand of friendship, I was reminded that loyalty, disavowal of hypocrisy and truth do count. I'd like to think you let me in on your staunch notion of friendship, as I let you in on mine. I've become sober because of you. I've become unwavering because of you. I've become stronger because of you. And so, as you retreat into your private, private world to heal and recover (and I know you will) I depart from this comforting abode with a brief cloud over my head, my stress ball (I consider now as my puff ball pal) and a greater sense of clarity. Thank you. A.