an almost-forgotten feeling: monday nights in lb.

the one thing i like about not keeping a regular job, especially one that requires you to show up for work on a monday, is that monday itself becomes the most elastic day you can allow it to be.

come nightfall, however, one faces that inescapable feeling of unease. why am i still here in lb and not, for example, already crumpled with work woes?

b. and i are at that point in our body clocks when we have to admit we are reduced to decaf. it is the only response to responsibilities and normal sleeping times.

i finally told her about my new unspoken gig and the curious stories to go with it. once again, a lot of chuckles.

more talk about beginnings which never commenced in the first place since ghosts of the past are, sadly, still there. i guess old habits die hard, hardened impressions (most of which are substantiated, yes, but past is past). oh well. she's a big girl and knows how to handle herself.

i nourished a number of questions on the way home from the pact with decaf. a little bothered, yes. this wasn't what i used to know. maybe the victim of hype. maybe the prisoner of first impressions. as with many things, they never go away so easily. one only hopes instinct will eventually know better.

but what if instinct and the cold truth are already staring each other in the face? who is willing enough to serve as referee? or should the referee just let them duke it out? it is precisely by letting them cross swords that greater wisdom is gained.

wisdom gained, yes, but at what cost?

cost has no place here. wisdom has been gained, period.

p.s. a very strange observation: yes, i have slayed the bitter past and look what it has yielded. good memories are blooming once again. they are there for commemoration and respect of what has always been good.

everything old is new again.