Spatula

(Disclaimer: This is not an homage to the Maalaala Mo Kaya - or in ABSspeak, MMK - school of titling episodes, downplaying the sordid events about to be seen by the sorry viewer.)

Nanay has this rubber spatula that, for the life of me, she hasn't quite gotten rid off. Let me describe the sorry state of that sorry piece of rubber. It's a Rubbermaid standard-shape rubber spatula, good for finishing off, for example, the clinging remainders of butter frosting for the birthday cake or the mayonnaise to be slathered on top of the just-concluded potato salad. I think that spatula was part of the set purchased for, predictably, a Mother's Day gift more than a decade ago. (Since then, me and my sister have tried so hard NOT to get a gift that would be a constant reminder of our Nanay's domestic imprisonment. Haven't we all? But come that second Sunday of May, we somehow forget, rush to the department store at the last minute and, by instinct, head to the kitchen section.)

What's getting my goat over this particular kitchen tool? It has since lost its handle, leaving it with around two inches to hold and the rubber head is already loose from the handle. Which I was reminded of once again when I was washing the plates, forks and spoons, and dirtied woks, ladles, etc. used by Nanay for cooking hers and Tatay's wedding anniversary lunch. (For those who care to know, this is Year 31.)

As I would methodically do, I started with the dinnerware, wiping off the oils and scraps from the plates, then the utensils, then proceeded to soap them. Next are the cookware. Big Pyrex serving bowl, wok used to cook pancit sotanghon.

Then I reach for what looked like a white spoon.

God almighty, it's the broken spatula.

Didn't I just get her a new set from my trip?

Why isn't she using THAT one?

What is her problem?

Does she have attachment issues with this PARTICULAR spatula?

Is the new spatula STILL not as soft as THIS one?

Heave a sigh of 'Relax. It's just a spatula. It's their anniversary. Put the bratty-daughter-mode on vacation just for today.'

And so calmly, already phrasing the words in my head, I appoached Nanay who, by this time, was already relaxing on the pseudo-orthopedic lounge chair in the living room with Tatay.

Me: (holding in front of her the spatula) Sorry to interrupt your conversation, but could I ask your permission to R.I.P. this spatula?

Nanay: Ay wag! (Proceeds to snatch the spatula from my hand)

Me: Nay, I just bought you a new set from the States. Me and Tita Ine made sure it's soft and pliable. And man, you already have two new ones waiting to be used.

Nanay: Sayang itong isang to. Atsaka matitigas yung mga yon.

Me: Nay, could you at least consider giving one of them a chance to become pliable WITH USE?

Nanay: (Proceeds to hide the spatula behind her back) This is still fine. I'm used to this. It's like...

Me: A smelly security blanket?

Nanay: No, I was thinking more like that really, really unwashed, realy smelly pillow that you can't sleep at night without...

By this time, I slinked my way back to the kitchen, letting her voice drift into the afternoon.